would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
