turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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