Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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