My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
