apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
