Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
