Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
