found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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