Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
