When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
