problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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