it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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