and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
