Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
