Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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