He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
