i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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