That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
