I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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