Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
