I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize