I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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