I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
