I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
