Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Shitshow foam night was such a success
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
