You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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