I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
