i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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