I'm so fucking centered right now
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
