this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
