Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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