Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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