The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
