she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
