Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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