Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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