Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
