tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
