dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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