i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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