i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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