She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Randomize
