He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
