Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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