Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
