Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
