There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You were trust falling into bushes
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
