if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize