I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
