Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
