I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
