yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
