Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
