Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
