oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
