I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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