yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
