I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize