Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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