I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
