I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
