you guys were way drunker than both of me
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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