You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
