ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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