I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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